We're so miserable and stunning.

Its hard to update frequently, because of the cats, or the bf is around. Not like there is anything he couldn't read on here, but I just don't feel as private writing in it when he's here.
Kari has been really busy so she hasn't gotten any books for me, so i feel a little trapped, and I am starting to lose inspiration for writing. I don't want to give up because I want to write something and I don't feel up to writing fiction. Blah.
So broke, and have to go up to Jersey soon, so I won't be making any money and I know the 'rents will just want me to spend money. They think i am rolling in cash for some reason but Mcnallys isn't making me enough money and I am too lazy to look for another job. I don't even want to talk about what happened Saturday. It was complete bullshit.
I'll try to update something interesting tomorrow.

I said tell me your name, is it sweet?

...She said my boy it's Dagger.

So this is a little personal but this is my blog so there. I got my results back from my annual and I have to get more tests done because my cells are pre-cancerous. I dont know if its something to freak out about, or if they are just being overly cautious. Either way I am trying not to think about it which isn't exactly the smartest. One, I don't have the money for the next test so I would have to talk to my parents about it, which I think would just be awkward....But I know this isn't one of those problems where I can just pretend and it will disappear.

Started reading again but having a hard time finding a really good book. A lot of it is I don't really have the money to buy books so I can't just randomly pick one and be pleasantly surprised anymore. However, I started reading Ghostwriter recently. It's pretty good, it reminds me a little of The Historian but not as disappointing. It's about Newton and Alchemy.

And speaking of money, I know I should be saving up but i just keep spending it on things. It just makes me feel better when I feel pretty. Vain, I know.

Nervous about going to NJ. Really nervous. More on that later though.

....

I don't feel like posting much. So here's some random pics from this week, and a quick recap since the last time I posted following the pictures.






Had a lot of fun at my birthday but got really really sick the next day, which was to be expected I supposed. A lot of my friends came out which was really nice :) It's been awhile since I've felt like I've had real friends again. Been sleeping excessively, which is kind of making me feel like I am not getting anything done. It just feels like wasted time. Went to the Zoo but basically everything was closed which sucked. Drove around for two and a half hours at the airport looking for my stupid friend's car, and couldn't find it. Very frustrating. Been working a lot this week, got an awesome new hair cut.

Untitled

"My cowboy roped me in
and tied me down.
Leaving me to wither
in the hot desert sun.
While the pain exploded
like shooting stars.
And he smiled
teeth gleaming like razorblades."

I am still not satisfied with it...comments?

"They say it's in God's Hands...

...But God doesn't always have the best God-damn plans, does he?"

It's been a long hot day.

So I feel like there are things I should be doing but I just put them off because I don't want to deal with problems. I mean thats part of the reason I don't do pot anymore, its because I think I was just using it to make things numb. I want to write more, and write something that actually is lengthy not just interesting one line phrases. I need to go back to school, and talk to my parents. But I just want to sleep all the time. I just don't want to wake up one day and feel like life has slipped through my fingers.

I mean a lot of times I really do wonder what is the point of everything, and then I think that really there isn't. Its all just random occurrences that we give meaning to because everyone wants to feel special.

I just feel like a giant void. Like I just constantly am trying to fulfill myself by taking in everything and anything I can, and nothing works. It's all just empty. And I only want more and more.

Baby Bengal...

Haven't been able to blog in awhile, mostly because of the baby cat and preparation for her. sHE IS also making it very hard to type right now. she just turned on this narrator program that speaks everything i type, and i have no idea how to turn it off. anyways, after almost giving her back I think I have reached an understanding with her. She is just very demanding and i think the fact that Luffy feels estranged from me right now wasnt really helping matters. however, she is doing much better, especially after i got her nails trimmed!
I was going to make a much more insightful post but nami really isn't letting me do much at the moment. gah.