Well haven't posted in awhile. Anyways I'm surviving the plague, however it seems at the expense of classes. I think I failed both of my tests this week, and I've missed a bunch of them because i am dying. bleck.
so i am sitting in the library with my ipod, cell phone charging, and my computer all hooked up, and thinking that perhaps i rely on technology a little too much.
anyways will try to be more regular with this and now I need to go back to studying for this last test. wish me luck!

The morning is for sleeping...

So much for updating every day...but i think updates will be more regular with me in school and needing any distraction from being productive. I am basically going to be on campus all day Tuesday and Thursday so come find me if you are out and about. I think things are alright with the family for once. So thats nice. But there is still always problems. My car for one, and the fact that I am always constantly owing money. Its like I'm sinking into a black hole. It will be nice when I finally don't owe anyone anything. IF that ever happens. Either way I dont have to worry about paying for school this semester which is nice. And the boy got me a new computer. Its very pretty and pink. Although I have to pay him back for it. :P
Still haven't bought my textbooks because I dont know if they are the right classes. My adviser only has walk-ins during 2-4 tues/thur which of course I am in class for. But hopefully class will get done early tomorrow and I can try and visit her.
I really dont feel like going to work today. I am just feeling sort of down today. I mean things are getting better which is always positive I just sometimes get these bad kind of days.Although it could just be the fact that there are freshman everywhere and their annoying stupidity is really making me want to hit them. I feel so old.

So I think my get together was a relative success even if it wasn't terribly exciting. The boyfriend still is trying to find a job. I feel bad for him because I know how hard it is, and I don't even have an impressive resume or anything. He's at another interview now so here's hoping :)
Still waiting to get the bill for the damages at Pear Tree. Really would rather not get it, but it's easier to deal with something when its no longer unknown. Sent an appeal in as well, so here's hoping on that.
So basically I need a lot of luck for things to go well, oh and some money but then again who doesn't.
I started watching Puchi Puri Yuushi. I am obviously a little too old for it, but sometimes I just like watching something cute and silly. Makes me happy.
Boring update, but better than nothing.

Don't build your world around

Volcanoes melt you down.

So I know things in my life aren't exactly awful, but its not like they are great either. Mostly it's money problems, which I know I could have averted had I worked more or maybe kept both jobs but I didn't so the situation at present exists. Basically I need to pay for:
* 1,000 owed to BF
* 2,600 to PearTree (don't even get me started on that bullshit)
* Bills (roughly 600)
On top of which I wanted to save up for a car and school, you things I actually need, but thats not happening any time soon since I have a total of oh I don't know 100 bucks at the moment.
I just let little things get me depressed really easily so its hard to bounce back from things even when I know its possible, it will just take time.
Well this friday I am trying to have a get together, I hope it isn't a bust and everyone gets along (ie NO DRAMA) and isn't terribly bored which is a real possibility too.
Nmmaa....I still haven't unpacked anything

Just because I'm losing...

Doesn't mean I'm lost.

Finally moved into my new place off of Vandiver. Its nice having a place without any annoying room mates. However, I am not used to the area at all and with my car being broken I haven't really learned anything yet. Still have yet to unpack, probably will still not be done unpacking til next month because I suck haha. Although I really need to find my phone charger soon, I have no battery left so sorry if anyone has tried to call me and can't get through.
Saw the new Batman movie. Awesome is all I have to say.
Work is starting to have drama. I guess I should have expected it esp because everyone there is usually drunk too. Natalie and Taylor apparently arent going to offer me any more shifts because I always say no. However, the reason I do is because they offer them either 10 to 20 minutes before I would have to go in or I am legitimately doing something but apparently those are just excuses and I am lazy. Fuck that.
And on Saturday Natalie left to go drinking with the owner, which really wasn't that big of a deal because it was slow and she was only gone about an hour and a half. Plus I probably made more money that way. But it just kind of showed that favorites do exist there which sucks because I am never a favorite. Oh well.
Oh and no one seems to want to hire me for a day job. Bah.

Say you'll stay...forever and a day.

So much for me trying not to drink haha. Ended up having a two drinks after work last night because it was so slow that I was cut by eleven. I hope that doesnt happen tonight. I'd rather make no money and stay home or actually be busy.
Fed the baby cats tuna from a can today, they went crazy, but now they are being extra nice to me. :)
Haven't really started packing at all, and I should have been moved in by now. And for once, its not because I am lazy. Its because I am a pack rat and I am dreading figuring out what to throw away and keep. I am going to force myself to start tomorrow because we rented the U-Haul for saturday so I pretty much have to be ready to pack by then.
I really want to see the Dark Knight tomorrow but I don't know if I will have time with all the packing or if I can still get a ticket.
i know this was boring but I am trying to get myself into the habit of updating once a day. I think it really helps clear out my head if nothing else.
Oh, had an interesting conversation last night with Kari and Woodrow. I really enjoy running into intelligent people who can explain new things to me. Although last night was a little difficult because my grasp on science is really poor so until we related it to philosophy I was having a hard time explaining myself. I hate sounding unintelligent but sometimes, I really do feel like I am not as smart as I used to be.

Believe in me. Because I don't believe in anything

...and I want to be someone who believes.

Totally forgot my password so I haven't been able to post. Finally remembered it today :P
I had a bunch of things I was going to post about New Jersey but all that sticks with me is that it is pointless to have seat belts on airplanes, my parents look old and sad, it always rains when I go to the beach, and I don't find lying to be fun anymore.
I need to make some lifestyle changes because honestly as much as I bitch about being unhappy, I am pretty sure 95% of it is my fault. I mean I really don't do anything so in essence nothing ever changes. My car broke for good this time, obviously don't have the money to fix it and I doubt my parents can help me anymore because their house won't sell. So I'm thinking of trying to find another job, a real one with a salary and health benefits which will be hard without a degree but maybe I will get lucky.
I am not going to drink for awhile. One, because I can't afford it, and two because it only either makes me more depressed or unproductive. I don't really want to do it because I enjoy having a vice but I guess sometimes thats what being grown up is being about.
Actually, no I think thats primarily what being grown up is about. Its doing the things that you really don't want to do but know you have to do and pretending like you are happy about it. Especially once you've realized that you've totally fucked up your life and that this is all you have left to do and all anyone is ever going to tell you is that its your own damn fault, so you just smile.
I wish I could just write a fucking bestseller than I would never have to deal with disappointing people. But I have nothing happy to write about, and I honestly don't think anyone wants to read about a middle class white girl bitch for about 200 pages. It was so much easier to write when I was little when everything was potentially interesting and there was no pressure for it to be good or bad, it just was. Now I feel like if I don't write something good then really what is the point but then all the pressure to write something good makes me think all of my ideas are absolutely awful.
And now its time for babycats...



Bah.